Nuggets of truth

I know I haven't posted for a while, but I just haven't been feeling all that inspired recently. But now I have a new topic. For Christmas, my mom got me a calendar: 365 days of "He's Just Not That Into You." Have you heard of the book? (My brother suggested we write a book called "She Ain't That Into Your Sorry Self Either. Get Over It. And Go Play Video Games.")

Anyway, I thought I'd share a few nuggets of truth that I found. Here's what I found for the month of January:

January 10
Grab a pen and list five reasons why you think you have every right or good reason to call him. Wait an hour. Or at least ten minutes. Then ask yourself: Do I seem pathetic? Do I sound like someone who doesn't trust my own innate hotness? Yes, you do! Now put your dialing finger away, get out of the house, and go find some fun.

PS: You just did a workbook exercise about a guy who hasn't even extended to you the energy of a phone call. Why would you want to chase that down?

January 16
A man would rather be trampled by elephants that are on fire than tell you he's just not that into you.

January 17
Liz says:
We go out with someone, we get excited about them, and then they do something that mildly disappoints us. Then they keep doing a lot more things that disappoint us. Then we go into hyperexcuse mode for weeks or possibly months, because the last thing we want to think is that this great guy who we are so excited about is in the process of turning into a creep.

January 18
In a poll of twenty males, 100 percent of the guys said "fear of intimacy" has never stopped them from getting into a relationship. One guy even remarked, "Fear of intimacy is an urban myth." Another one said, "That's just what we say to girls when we're just not that into them."

January 24
Beware of the word "friend." It can often be used by men or the women who love them to excuse the most unfriendly behavior. Personally, when I'm picking friends, I like the ones who don't make me cry myself to sleep.

January 28/29
Don't put an absurdly high value on him. Think of the millions of other girls doing without him, yet able to bear it!

Okay, folks, I'd LOVE to read your comments on this post!! Let me have it!

I'm in love...

I have discovered Augustine.  I’ve heard Kenny talk about him a lot, but I didn’t really know much about him and had never read his work.  This spring we are starting a new ministry at Lake Pointe called Theological Roundtable, which will be a forum for discussion of works by people like Augustine, who is our first topic.  Augustine for Armchair Theologians was the recommended reading so I went to Borders last night to buy it.  The book is a commentary of sorts about Augustine’s work Confessions.  So rather than just getting a book about Confessions, I thought I might actually buy Confessions as well.  So I did.  I just sat there on the floor in the Religion aisle and flipped the pages…

Here’s what I read, from Book VI:
“I was greedy for preferment, profit, marriage and you laughed at me.  Through my desires I suffered the most bitter struggles, and you looked mercifully upon me – all the more so in that you did not allow me to find sweetness in anything that was not you.”

(Oh, my goodness!!  That just gives me chills!!!  God is merciful when He does NOT allow me to find satisfaction in anything but HIM!!!)

“Look, O Lord, on my heart; for it is you who willed that I should call to my heart all these things, and confess you.  Now let my soul cling to you, for you have drawn it from the lime of death that held it so tightly.  How unhappy it was!  You make my wound sting me more, so that I would leave everything and turn back to you, who are above all things, and without whom everything would be nothing; so that I should turn back to you, and be healed.”

A few other quotes, from Book I:
“…you change all things, but are yourself unchanging; you are never new and never old, yet you renew all things.”
“You are jealous and fear no rival.”
“…you are roused to anger, and remain calm.”
“You take back what you find, yet you had never lost it.”
“But woe to those who keep silence concerning you – who speak so much, and say so little!”
“What, for that matter, am I to you?  Why do you command me to love you?  And if I do not, why are you moved to anger and threaten me with utter misery?”

I think I’m in love.  I love great literature.  I don’t read all that much because I am spoiled to great writing, which is shamefully hard to come by.  I am grateful to have discovered Augustine.  But his talent is not what makes his work so great – it is his subject, the Lord God.

Surrogate Post

Tonight, rather than posting some tidbit of wisdom or knowledge I think I’ve discovered, I’d like to point you to words I really needed to hear. Click here to read a blog post by none other than Carolyn McCulley. It’s sort of long, but it’s worth it. At least it was for me.

Friends are funny, no?

Friends are funny, aren’t they? At least mine are. Most of the time. Occasionally, though, someone’s ‘hilarity meter’ will get all bonked up and they will be unable to determine what is actually funny and what is most definitely NOT.

One such ‘friend’ forwarded me the following story from Dilbert.com, which can be found here.

When I see news stories about people all over the world who are experiencing hardships, I worry about them, and I rack my brain wondering how I can make a difference. So I decided to start my own blog. That way I won’t have time to think about other people.

People who are trying to decide whether to create a blog or not go through a thought process much like this:

1. The world sure needs more of ME.
2. Maybe I’ll shout more often so that people nearby can experience the joy of knowing my thoughts.
3. No, wait, shouting looks too crazy.
4. I know – I’ll write down my daily thoughts and badger people to read them.
5. If only there was a description for this process that doesn’t involve the words egomaniac or unnecessary.
6. What? It’s called a blog? I’m there!

The blogger’s philosophy goes something like this:

Everything that I think about is more fascinating than the crap in your head.

The beauty of blogging, as compared to writing a book, is that no editor will be interfering with my random spelling and grammar, my complete disregard for the facts, and my wandering sentences that seem to go on and on and never end so that you feel like you need to take a breath and clear your head before you can even consider making it to the end of the sentence that probably didn’t need to be written anyhoo.

If that doesn’t inspire you to read my blog, I don’t know what will. You can find the Dilbert Blog at http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

Then this ‘friend’ said this: “The quote about the crap in [other people’s heads]... that was you. All YOU, girl.”

Indeed, it may very well be. I mean, think about it. Let’s pick two people at random. What are the chances that the thoughts in one person’s head are in fact more interesting than the thoughts in the other person’s head? Now let’s choose 20 people. Surely, there must be someone in the group whose thoughts are more interesting than everyone else’s. Right? Following the same logic, there must be some subset of the population whose thoughts are actually more interesting than the thoughts of the general public as a whole. But let’s assume that there is another subset of the general public consisting of people who understand that they are not a part of the original, aforementioned subset, and yet aspire to improve their mental faculties and broaden their intellectual capacities by actually seeking out the thoughts and opinions of said subset.

A dilemma presents itself: How to get inspirational and interesting thoughts from one subset of the population to the other in a cost-effective, time-sensitive manner? Such a medium exists in today’s world. It’s called a blog.

It’s true that there are many blogs out in the blogosphere and some aren’t worth the hard drive space on which they are saved. However, judging from the hit counter on MY blog, that appears NOT to be the case for mine. Apparently, my blog is indeed frequented by a number of patrons, and since I sell no liquor there, cheap or otherwise, I must assume they return for the encouraging words.

Oh, wait. There’s more to the conversation…(NOTE: NNF is short for Not Nice Friend.)

Me: you know i may have to trash talk you now on the blog, right?
NNF: oh...
NNF: go for it.
NNF: can't wait to read it.
Me: you say that now...

Did you catch that? The NNF ‘can’t wait’ to read the blog. Thank you, my friend, for proving my point so eloquently. Couldn’t possibly have done it better myself.

Happy reading. :)

Prayers

From The Pocket Book of Prayers:

O God, our father, by whose mercy and might the world turns safely into darkness and returns again into light: we give into your hands our unfinished tasks, our unresolved problems, and our unfulfilled hopes, knowing that only that which you bless will prosper.  To your great love and protection we commit each other and all your people, knowing that you alone are our sure defender; through Jesus Christ, our Lord.
-South India Prayer


Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love.  For it is in giving that we receive; it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
-Saint Francis of Assisi


Father, it is a humbling thing to be died for.  On this day let me remember that Jesus Christ, your Son, did exactly that for me.  And he went to his death knowing full well how often I would forget his love.  Let no pride keep me from kneeling at the foot of that cross.  In the name of Jesus my Savior I pray.  Amen.
-Peter Marshall

Birds. And me.

This weekend I took part in the first ever Spiritual Orders Retreat with Lake Pointe Church.  We went to Daingerfield State Park in east Texas for a few days of isolation from the world.  We observed a number of the spiritual disciplines exercised by the saints of old in an attempt to reconnect with the way spiritual growth should be attained.

Friday we exercised Silence and Solitude.  Some of you may think I found it challenging to remain silent for 6 straight hours.  Oh, you would be wrong.  I love silence and I love solitude.  After I graduated from college, I moved to Houston for about 6 months.  I didn’t really make much of an effort to make friends there, which I know wasn’t healthy, but it suited me just fine.  I would leave work on Friday afternoon and not speak to a soul until Monday morning.  And I loved it.

It’s amazing what you learn when you spend that much time in quiet.  I was out looking over the water Friday morning and all I could hear was nature.  And then suddenly I heard a sound I didn’t recognize.  It almost sounded like traffic on the highway, but I knew it couldn’t be.  I looked up and saw a flock of birds flying overhead.  The sound I heard was the sound of their wings against the wind.  I don’t think I had ever heard that sound before.  It made me smile.  

I continued to watch the birds and as they flew across the lake, they must have found something that interested them because they started flying in a circle, sort of hovering over the trees.  It was this tall vortex of swirling black birds.  I stood and watched them for a few minutes and I noticed how long the birds could just soar on the wind without having to beat their wings.  They just gracefully, slowly descended.  

Part of our devotional material that day included an excerpt from Introduction to the Devout Life by St. Francis of Sales.  Here is a quote: The first point in these exercises is to appreciate their importance.  Our earthly nature easily falls away from its higher tone by reason of frailty and evil tendency of the flesh, oppressing and dragging down the soul, unless it is constantly rising up by means of a vigorous resolution, just as a bird would speedily fall to the ground if it did not maintain its flight by repeated strokes of its wings.

But wait.  I just watched a bird float in the air, without speedily falling to the ground AND without beating its wings.  At first I thought I found a flaw in the analogy, but I realized that it is simply incomplete.  Often times, without constant proactive effort on our part to maintain ourselves spiritually, we quickly fall to the ground.  But other times, we simply descend, slowly, almost imperceptibly.  We have fallen from great heights before we even realize we have begun to fall at all.  

The Spring was very hard for me.  Sometimes spiritual growth involves feeling empowered and encouraged.  But other times it involves the destruction of our own will so that it can be replaced by the will of God.  That’s what I dealt with this spring.  I felt like a ratty old rocking chair with peeling paint and rusty nails.  But then it was like God took a sandblaster to me and blasted away all the nastiness of myself until all that was left was just the raw wood.  It’s interesting how such healing can come from such pain.

But then I felt like I plateaued.  There was no more spiritual growth.  I wasn’t falling back into any of the sins of yesteryear, so I felt like I was doing okay, but I wasn’t growing.  But now I understand that I hadn’t plateaued at all.  I was on that gentle descent.  The imperceptible fall.  

Reminded me of a quote from The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis:
It does not matter how small the sins are provided that their cumulative effect is to edge the man away from the Light and out into the Nothing.  Murder is no better than cards if cards can do the trick.  Indeed, the safest road to Hell is the gradual one – the gentle slope, soft underfoot, without sudden turnings, without milestones, without signposts.  
Your affectionate uncle,
SCREWTAPE

In my pride, I allowed complacency to set the tone of my life.  I decided that I was doing well enough, and didn’t need to put forth much effort to maintain the ground I had gained.  I realized this weekend that I was mistaken.  I require communication with my God, or I will stumble.  The way I live my life is never neutral to God.  I’m either living for Him, or I’m not.  

I pray that tomorrow is the beginning of a new era for me.  A time of growth, of maturity, of closeness with God.  A time that isn’t about me at all.

3 strikes, you're out

I think chronologically.  I’ve known people that had no sense of time whatsoever and it drove me insane.  I like deadlines.  I feel lost without them, just sort of floating around on the wind.  That may seem like a surprise to some since I am, in many regards, a “fly by the seat of your pants” kind of girl, but it’s less about structure than it is about sequence.  I think that’s why I like baseball.  I know what’s going to happen.  Three strikes, you’re out.  Three outs, end of an inning.  The teams take turns getting to bat.  There’s much less chaos in baseball than football or basketball.  Some people think baseball is boring.  But it’s not about excitement; it’s about things happening in an orderly, chronological manner.

For example, this summer I went to Ghana.  I sent out my little fundraising letters to help pay for the trip and there was one friend who I knew had written a check, but hadn’t mailed it yet.  So even though I had written her Thank You card, I couldn’t send it yet, because things have to go in order.  She couldn’t receive her Thank You before she sent in her donation.  That would have just been wrong, not to mention completely unacceptable in my mind.

One last example of this endearing quirk of mine.  I love the Lord of the Rings movies.  Don’t ask how many times I’ve seen them.  They are just fantastic.  Anyway, there is a scene in Fellowship of the Ring where Gandalf is fighting the balrog and he falls into the crevice and then Frodo yells, “NOOOOOO!”  At the beginning of The Two Towers, this scene is replayed as a dream that Frodo has.  But in the dream, Frodo yells “no” first, and THEN Gandalf falls.  You have no idea how much that bothers me.  Well, you might, since I’m sitting here writing about it.

Since we’re on the subject of the Lord of the Rings, I might as well go ahead and confess that I’m a dork.  I won’t tell you how much of a dork, but trust me, it’s bad.  I recently played Lord of the Rings Trivial Pursuit and I kicked butt.  Of course, it was an empty victory since most of the people playing had only seen the movies once.  There were some who hadn’t even seen all three yet.  The real test will be playing against other LOTR dorks.

I didn't forget

Let’s answer the question:  how important are compatible interests between two people?

In some cases, complementary personalities are more important than compatible interests.  For example, I dated one guy who loved cars.  He had this one car that he was working on and wanted to use for drag racing.  Me?  Not really all that into cars.  (Actually, I’m not at all into cars.  I don’t even like getting the oil changed.)  But I’d go to his house and sit out in the garage with him reading a book or listening to the radio while he worked on his car.  It didn’t matter that I couldn’t possibly care LESS about cars.  But we could spend time together, talking, whatever, and he was doing his thing and I was doing mine.  

I also think it’s good for people to have some interests that are dissimilar, for two reasons.  One, I think a natural, healthy result would be that being exposed to new things would expand their horizons as they explore new ideas.  And I think that when something is important to someone you care about, it becomes important to you.

My brother never cared about NASCAR.  I don’t know that I ever heard him mention it really at all.  At least not until a few months ago.  Then his father-in-law started working for NASCAR.  He learned more about it, the rules, the people, the drama, etc, and suddenly he became hooked.  Now, almost every time I talk to him, he tells me about how his favorite driver did in the last race.  When I was in Philly visiting him and my sis-in-law a few weeks ago, he kept having to check the status of that day’s race.  His interests were expanded because something was important to someone that he cared about.  And the more he learned about it, the more he appreciated it.

The second reason that dissimilar interests can be beneficial is that it gives people “alone time.” I don’t think it’s healthy for two people in a relationship to spend all of their free time together, at least not for me.  I think I would enjoy having an activity that was just mine, where I could be alone and not talk and just think.  

So I guess that I basically think that compatible interests are a bonus, but not a necessity, at least in the beginning.  As time goes by, interests change.  What used to be a shared interest may no longer be and vice versa.  How people choose to deal with those changes and with life that happens along the way is a much more significant indicator of success than whether or not two people like to go jogging together.  For me?  As long as I get a fairly regular dose of intelligent conversation, I’m good.  Oh, and compatible senses of humor are also very helpful.  Having similar outlooks on life, similar goals, and a mutual understanding of family, religion and money are key, as are respect, responsibility and communication.  

As long as two people understand that you can’t be very good at anything that you don’t spend time and effort on, having varied interests can very well be the spice of life.  

I want to talk about me

A friend asked me the other night how important I thought it was for a man and a woman to have compatible interests. I wasn’t really sure how to answer the question, since I had not thought about it as much as he obviously had. But I love questions like that because they really help me understand myself better. But before I can answer, I need to understand what my interests really are. So I’ll take a few minutes and just talk about me.

There are some who have known all their lives what they love doing. An artist loves to create art. A musician loves to make music. They aren’t happy unless they have that outlet.

Sometimes I feel cheated because I don’t have a calling in life that is quite as obvious. So I’ll have to think a bit harder about it, I suppose.

For one, I love language. I love words. I love putting the right words together in the right order to communicate a thought or a feeling precisely. Sometimes I get hung up on an idea or emotion and am unable to fully concentrate on anything else until the words come together to express it. Even if I don’t actually share it with anyone, I like knowing that I can. And I like to use words like “plethora” and “abstractly.” But I have a harder time with “colloquialism.” My brain would like to use it, but my mouth revolts against it.

I would also love to learn another language. As precise as I like to be in English (even though I do use the word “like” excessively), it would be fun to be just as fluent in another language. Although I have a feeling it would make me feel a bit prideful, like I was something special because I taught myself Russian or something equally exotic.

Reading is another part of my love of language. I enjoy getting lost in other worlds and getting to know other people in their far off lands. I think I’ve become a bit of a snob when it comes to books though, because once you’ve read JRR Tolkien, Jane Austen and Charles Dickens, it’s hard to find books of the same caliber. Too often I just get bored, or worse, frustrated that I could have written it better.

Here’s an odd interest: I like to put together furniture. I enjoy putting together entertainment centers or computer desks or glider swings. I don’t really know what that means. It’s like putting a puzzle together. Oh, and I apparently enjoy taking vacuum cleaners apart and putting them back together. (It still works, by the way.) I would LOVE to learn how to make furniture, but I’ve never done it. You need tools and stuff for that kind of thing and I can’t justify buying any if I don’t even know how to use them. I’ve always wanted to buy an old piece of crap house and completely gut it and recreate it into something beautiful. I’m not all that creative in that respect, so I’d have to get my ideas from somewhere else, but I think I would enjoy doing the actual work.

I’ve also always thought it would be neat to just move to a new place where I didn’t know anyone, and make a life for myself. That would terrify some people, but I think it would be loads of fun. Just pack Dylan up and go somewhere, anywhere, and set up camp. Learn the area, get to know new people, etc. I shouldn’t think about that anymore, it makes me actually want to do it. And if I ever do, I doubt I’ll be able to give much notice. I’ll just up and go. So if I ever disappear suddenly, don’t freak out.

I also love music. I used to play the trumpet and the French horn in high school and I loved it. But I’m not quite as musically inclined as some so while I enjoy making music, it’s just something for fun. Not exactly a passion for living. But I do want to learn to play the piano some day. I sort of know how already, but I’d like to get better. Music plays the biggest role in my life when it comes to worship. It’s hard for me to really feel like I’m worshipping without music. I am, therefore, extremely grateful for the praise band at Lake Pointe. They rock.

Another oddity: I have this thing with symmetry. It’s really stupid, but I like for things to be symmetrical. For example, when I eat popcorn, I eat one piece on the left side and then one on the right. And then the left. And then the right. When I eat Smarties, I eat them by color. If there are 5 green ones, I eat two on the left, two on the right and one in the middle. If I scratch my left arm, I usually have to scratch my right arm, too. And I HATE it when I can pop one elbow, but not the other. Makes me crazy. It also makes me crazy that before I got braces, I had a tooth pulled and I therefore have more teeth on one side of my head than the other. Must stop thinking about it now. Must suppress the neurotic behavior. I’m not OCD. I’m not OCD.

But all that doesn’t really answer the question, does it? How important is it for two people to have compatible interests? I think it varies from relationship to relationship. We’ll explore this more in the next post.

Psychological Substance

You’ve heard me talk about Shad, right? A most interesting fellow. The best friend a person could have and yet he is often quite mysterious and complex.

Shad really likes to explain people, to understand them. Once, he tried to think of an animal that represented each person’s personality. He described one friend as a humpback whale, because it is a gentle, majestic beast. I informed him that, generally, women don’t like to be referred to as whales or beasts of any kind. And yet we all understood that he meant it as a compliment, so we could hardly scold him.

Today, Shad tried to figure out what each person’s psychological substance was. Shad described himself has itchy wool with a static charge. Doug was algae. Tracy was polished leather. Dawn was cotton and Nichole was cotton candy.

What was I? Silk. Things tend to slide off silk and not affect it, yet it should be handled gently and not thrown in the regular wash. Silk can also come across as a bit snobbish, but once you get close, you’re comfortable.

This was one of the few compliments Shad has ever paid me that didn’t offend me. (For instance, he once told me I reminded him of Olive Oil, from Popeye. ‘Cause you know she’s a hottie…) So I decided to find out some of silk's other characteristics. Here’s what I found.
Silk:
a fabric made from the fine threads produced by certain insect larvae

It is obtained from cocoons of certain species of caterpillars. It is soft and has a brilliant sheen. It is one of the finest textiles. It is also very strong and absorbent.

Luxurious and strong fabric that is cool in summer and warm in winter.


A fine, strong fiber produced by the larva of silk worms and silk moths. Noted for its strength and resiliency and takes color very well.

Not sure how I feel about being produced by insect larvae. But I'll take it. At least I'm not algae.

For Kevin...

I can't think of anything to post. Yet here I am. Are you happy now?

Plant Murder

I like plants. I’m not like a crazy fanatic nursery person, but I like them. I have a few ivies, a Christmas cactus that I’m in love with, a regular cactus, an African violet, etc. Whenever I go to someone’s house that has cool plants, I get jealous. I don’t think the Bible ever says anything directly about coveting someone else’s plants, so I think it’s okay.

Anyway, on Saturday I was suffering from a case of plant envy so I had to go buy some new ones. They are all flowery plants. Very pretty. I came home and planted them in their new pots and talked sweet to them and stuff. I read the directions about how much sunlight they should get. Two of them said ‘partial shade.’ Just so you know, ‘partial shade’ means ‘hardly any direct sunlight at all.’

I put them out on the patio Saturday afternoon and then proceeded to forget about them. (Give me a break, I was in Mesquite all weekend.) On Monday evening I went back out onto the patio and stared in abject horror at the sight of my two beautiful plants. They were shriveled and wilted. It was pretty pathetic actually.

I brought them inside and attempted to nurse them back to health. There was one that was particularly wretched and after I watered it, I decided it was beyond hope and just threw it away. The other I watered and let sit awhile, hoping life would seep back into its leaves. It gradually started to perk up and I realized it possessed a strong will to live.

Later in the evening, I went back to the trashcan to throw something away and saw my poor little plant that I had given up on. It was starting to look a little better, but I felt it was beyond hope. I turned my back on it and shut the pantry door. (sigh)

But that little plant had other ideas. It turns out the plant was only MOSTLY dead. Now, mostly dead is slightly alive. Now, all dead...well, with all dead, there's usually only one thing that you can do. Go through its clothes and look for loose change. Wait, what? Where am I?

Anyway, by this morning, the plant was looking much better, so I dug the poor little guy out of the trash. I felt bad about almost committing plant murder TWICE within a few days, first by scorching it in the sun and then by sheer neglect. I cut off all the dried up leaves and flowers and gave it another good drink of water. Now it looks lovely. A bit scrawnier than when I first bought it, but now it has room to grow.

Sometimes I feel like a pathetic, shriveled, wilted plant. It sucks to feel that way in any sense, but it’s worse when that’s how I feel spiritually. I’m glad that God has never given up on me and left me to wallow in the garbage can. He patiently waits until I discover my own will to live and then he gently cuts away all the nonsense, fills me with His Spirit and nurses me back to health. A bit scrawnier, perhaps, but heartier, too. And with plenty of room to grow.

Weight Watchers

This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

I think I've seen a number of these dishes at various family reunions. I solemnly vow to never make anyone I love eat anything on these cards. So help me God.

Another online test

So you've heard of the 5 love languages, right?

They are Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. They are described here.

When I was reading the descriptions of them, I couldn't decide what I thought I was. Then I took this test.

It's funny how some things that used to seem sort of random make much more sense now that I understand my love languages.

Feel free to take the test and let me know. Just curious, not that I need to know everyone's love language. I'll post mine eventually. But not now. :)

Journaling

I bought a journal tonight. I’ve known that I needed to journal more, but I just kept putting it off. And some might consider blogging to be journaling, but it’s not the same. Believe it or not, there are some things that I won’t say to just anyone. And even though I write some things that I don’t post, it’s usually because I’m not happy with how it’s worded or how uneffectively I made my point.

So I bought a journal. It’s pretty nice. It’s made of wood. That’s right. Wood. Not a hardback. Actually, now that I think about it, it’s probably not real wood but it sure looks like it. After I bought it I sat in the little café area of Borders and made my first entry. Nothing profound or life altering. But give me time. I’ll get there.

Journaling is supposed to be good for you. Like writing about yourself helps you learn and grow. That’s sort of strange. I guess part of the reason it helps is because it actually makes you think about things long enough to figure out the words to express them and then write those words down. Leads to self-realization. It’s funny because I’m very into having an accurate and complete perception of myself, so it’s a wonder I haven’t taken this more seriously in the past.

If I discover anything you may find interesting, I’ll let you know.

ENFP

Ever taken the Myers Briggs test? I had, but it had been a while and I couldn’t remember what I was. But I took an online version of it tonight. You can take it here.

There are 4 characteristics that are measured:
Extrovert/Introvert
Sensing/iNtuitive
Thinking/Feeling
Judging/Perceiving

They are described here.

I’m an ENFP, which is Extrovert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Perceiving.
Read all about me here and here. I thought it was pretty interesting what it said about me. Fairly accurate, I suppose. I also read what it said about some of the other personality types. I know someone who is INTP and someone else who is ESTJ. I thought they were both right on when I read about them. Amazing stuff. I also thought it was interesting that my best friend was an ESTJ. That’s the exact opposite of me, except for the extrovert part. I guess that’s good though. I think if I knew someone like me, he or she would really get on my nerves.

My favorite things it said:

"Social/Personal Relationships: ENFPs have a great deal of zany charm, which can ingratiate them to the more stodgy types in spite of their unconventionality. They are outgoing, fun, and genuinely like people. As SOs/mates they are warm, affectionate (lots of PDA), and disconcertingly spontaneous. However, attention span in relationships can be short; ENFPs are easily intrigued and distracted by new friends and acquaintances, forgetting about the older ones for long stretches at a time. Less mature ENFPs may need to feel they are the center of attention all the time, to reassure them that everyone thinks they're a wonderful and fascinating person."

"ENFPs have what some call a "silly switch." They can be intellectual, serious, all business for a while, but whenever they get the chance, they flip that switch and become CAPTAIN WILDCHILD, the scourge of the swimming pool, ticklers par excellence. Sometimes they may even appear intoxicated when the "switch" is flipped."

"One study has shown that ENFPs are significantly overrepresented in psychodrama. Most have a natural propensity for role-playing and acting."

"ENFPs like to tell funny stories, especially about their friends."

ENFPs "strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, [ENFPs] fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing."

Anyway, feel free to take the test and then let me know what you are. And if the test ends up indicating that you are weird, you may just have to learn to accept it.

Smack

I don’t normally mind when people talk smack about me. I dish it out, I better be able to take it. Even when the person really doesn’t like me very much, I don’t usually mind. In fact, it usually makes me laugh. What really bothers me is when people talk smack about people I care about. OMG! Have you ever been so mad that you laughed? It’s either laugh or kill someone. That’s how I was today at work.

But then I really started thinking. I was reminded today of a story told by the former teaching pastor at Lake Pointe, JR Vassar. When he was younger, he worked at a store like Gap or something like that. He stood at the door and greeted people as they walked in. One day, a guy walked in and JR greeted him, but the guy ignored him. JR was sort of thinking the guy was just a jerk. But as he watched him, the other guy walked up to someone and started signing in sign language. The guy wasn’t a jerk, he was just deaf. It’s amazing how differently you look at people when you understand their condition.

So I guess that’s how I have to look at this situation. It seems like this person was being a big jerk. But when I consider her condition, I look at her differently. Does it still make me mad? Well, honestly, yeah. It does. But I have an opportunity to handle this in a way that reflects Christ. Will I have the courage? Maybe, maybe not. If nothing else, I can free myself from the anger I might otherwise feel. And considering this quote by Frederick Buechner, that might not be a bad idea… “Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back -- in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”

And then I found some scripture. Let’s look at Luke 6:27-38. “‘But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amounts. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon and you will be pardoned. Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure – pressed down, shaken together, and running over. For by your standard of measure it will be measure to you in return.’”

Ephesians Chapter 1

We’re studying Ephesians during the fall semester at church in our ABFs. (Adult Bible Fellowships. Basically is the Lake Pointe version of Sunday School.) I got a commentary on Paul’s prison letters that has some great stuff in it that I wanted to share. My direct quotes are from “Paul for Everyone: The Prison Letters” by Tom Wright.

“Most of Paul’s letters start, after the initial greeting, by telling the church what he’s praying for when he thinks of them. He will come to that later on in this first chapter. But pride of place in the opening of this letter goes to a long and quite formal prayer of thanks and praise to God. This opening prayer lasts, in fact, from verse 3 all the way to verse 14. Though we can break it up into quite short sentences it is really a continuous stream of worship, and we should think of it like that. Before Paul will even come to a report of his specific prayers, he establishes what is after all the appropriate context for all Christian prayer, reflection and exhortation: the worship and adoration of the God who has lavished his love upon us. The entire prayer, all eleven verses of it, is woven through and through with the story of what God has done in Jesus the Messiah. He has blessed us in the king; he chose us in him, foreordained us through him, poured grace on us in him, gave us redemption in him, set out his plan in him, intending to sum up everything in him. We have obtained our inheritance in him, because we have set our hope on him and have been sealed in him with the spirit as the guarantee of what is to come.”

Then it starts to get tricky. Paul has to go and use phrases like “just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world” and “In love He predestined us to adoption as sons” and “also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose.” Why is this so complicated? It’s because we have to reconcile what appear to be conflicting viewpoints. Growing up, I heard a lot about free will and about how God doesn’t force us to accept Him almost to the exclusion of biblical ideas based on passages like this of God’s sovereignty and His choosing us. So there are a few things we have to consider here. First of all, throughout scripture, it’s clear that there is some element of human freewill involved in saving faith in Christ. We are free to accept or reject Him. But we can’t ignore passages that talk of God’s choosing us. (Read Deuteronomy 4:2 – You shall not add to the word which I am commanding you, nor take away from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God which I command you.”) So we must understand that both are involved in our salvation: God chose us and we chose God. How the two align exactly, I don’t know. And I don’t think God intends for us to know. Because it ultimately doesn’t matter. That’s not information that we need to know. Besides, I don’t think that’s the issue that Paul is addressing here. What he wants us to understand is that “we aren’t chosen for our own sake, but for the sake of what God wants to accomplish through us.”

A few more thoughts:
“Power is one of the great themes of Ephesians. For Paul, the greatest display of power the world had ever seen took place when God raised Jesus from the dead. And at the centre of Paul’s prayer for the church in the area, which he now reports, is his longing that they will come to realize that this same power, the power seen at Easter and now vested in Jesus, is available to them for their daily use. Paul doesn’t imagine that all Christians will automatically be able to recognize the power of God. Many of the things which God’s power achieves in us, such as putting secret sins to death and becoming people of prayer, remain hidden from the world and even, sometimes, from other Christians.”

Let’s switch to a different commentary for a few last thoughts. This one is called “Ephesians(MacArther New Testament Commentary)” by John MacArthur, Jr.

“But from letters, as well as through personal reports from friends who visited him in prison, [Paul] had received considerable information from and about the churches. He heard two things that indicated the genuineness of their salvation, and for those two cardinal marks of a true Christian – faith in Christ and love for other Christians – he affectionately praises them. Those two dimensions of spiritual life are inseparable. The New Testament does not separate Jesus as Savior from Jesus as Lord. He is both, or He is neither. Jesus becomes Savior when He is accepted as Lord. Granted, no person receives Jesus Christ with a full understanding of all He is or all He requires as Lord of those He saves. Many Christians come to Christ with only the barest idea of His sovereign deity or of what it means to belong to and submit to Him. But they are willing to submit, to give up all they are and have, and to leave all and follow Him. Once they have come to Him, some Christians lose their first love for Him as Savior and resist obeying Him as Lord. But their lovelessness makes Him no less Savior, and their resistance makes Him no less Lord. Christ is not accepted in parts, first as Savior and later as Lord. Jesus the Savior is Jesus the Lord, and Jesus the Lord is Jesus the Savior, He does not exist in parts or relate to believers in parts. Awareness, appreciation, and obedience of Him as Savior and Lord change. When we are faithful to Him those things increase and when we are unfaithful they diminish. But the fact of Jesus’ lordship begins the same moment He becomes Savior, and neither His lordship nor His Saviorhood changes for believers from that time through all eternity.”

That’s sort of a strange thought, isn’t it? Even when I give in to the temptation of sin, even when I am involved in outright, willful disobedience, Christ is still my Lord. He never walks away and says “Fine. You don’t want to be a part of Me? Have it your way.” That would seem as if I might be spared discipline or judgment if He let me “unpick” Him. But He doesn’t. He will always deal with me with the authority of my Lord and Master. That sort of changes my perspective on things a bit. Christ said, “My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand.” I can’t even snatch myself out of the Father’s hand. Which is comforting, and scary, and convicting all at the same time.

I lied.

I thought of something I could post. Here are the lyrics to Strong Tower, by the Newsboys.

Strong and mighty
Strong to save us
Like a fortress
Never failing

Strong in battle
Strong in kindness
When we stray, Lord
You're strong to find us

When the winds come hard against us
You are steadfast, You are true
When the ground beneath us trembles
Your foundation never moves

Strong tower
High and glorious
Strong tower
Mighty in love
Our refuge
Our defender
Strong tower
Lord above

Strong to lead us
Through the shadows
Strong to carry
All our sorrows

When the enemy surrounds us
Closing in as darkness falls
Though his armies rage against us
They can never scale these walls

Strong tower
High and glorious
Strong tower
Mighty in love
Our refuge
Our defender
Strong tower
Lord above

You are my shelter, my shield
You are the home I could never deserve
Here I will serve, ever under Your gaze
Here I will serve, ever singing Your praise

Strong tower
High and glorious
Strong tower
Mighty in love
Our refuge
Our defender
Strong tower
Lord above

Strong tower
Lord above
Strong tower
Lord above

Uninspired

Sorry, guys but I just can't think of anything meaningful to write. My head is full of nonsense. I feel bad, though, because I see my counter stats everyday and I know that people are visiting the site, but I just can't think of anything worth posting. I mean, I write lots of stuff that I intend to post, but I'm sort of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing and if I don't feel like I made my point very well, I don't post it. It just sits there in the My Documents folder waiting for me to sort it out and finish it. But I don't. I think it mocks me, like it has in some way defeated me or something. But it's just a ploy.

So let me ask you to write about something. Do you struggle with pride? How does it manifest itself in your life? Do you actively attempt to temper it? How? Does it work? If you had to rate yourself from 1 to 10 on the pride scale, with 10 being VERY prideful, where would you fall? Who do you compare yourself to when making this judgment? Where do you fall on the humility scale?

Feedback from viewers

This one is going to be kind of long. It consists of an email I got from a fan, and then my response. Happy reading.

First, the email:

Hey Woman Who Schmoozes With Famous Authors,

"Just so you know, if a girl is trying to be content in her singleness, going on and on about how wonderful guys can be is probably not the greatest idea either."

I wrote "Other things guys are useful for" because your post was excellent, informative, logical, funny... and devoid of emotions. It seems to me, if you are going to write about relationships, or refer to them, that there should be some emotions involved.

"...but it’s also important to remember that if you aren’t happy with your life BEFORE you get married, you aren’t going to be happy with your life AFTER. I’m pleased to say that I am quite content with life before."

You say that you are "content" but in the previous line you use the word "happy" to express the emotions of life.

ARE YOU HAPPY?

It's OK to be a little lost and lonely while being single. God made man and woman to complete each other. GEN 2:24 "... and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." We have friends and family that can help cover that void for a time of singleness, but they cannot fill that void. I wanted you to express some feelings, some emotions. To deny that they exist allows them to build up. A pressure that can be released unexpectedly. For example, if you happen to met a nice guy, but not the right person for you, those pent up emotions can overwhelm you. You could end up making a big mistake. But expressing these feelings, talking about them, allows us to become acclimated to them, almost like building up a resistance. :) Hopefully, this allows us to gain control over those wily emotions.

It seems to me that if you can't talk about not being single, should you be single? Just a thought. No accusations, just food for thought and a view from my side of things.

May God bless us daily,

David


And my response:
I’ve discovered that another of my spiritual gifts is my ability to overanalyze things. I’m especially gifted at it. So I’ve taken to attempting to understand how I feel about being single. Here’s what I have discovered.

My feelings about singleness really have very little to do with whether or not I’m married. It’s more about a natural attraction to men. I like men. They are funny, they are good-looking, they are good-smelling (most of the time), and they have deep manly voices and big strong hands. I LOVE that.

But I think there’s sort of a double standard when it comes to women liking men. If men like women, they just like women. That’s it. If women like men, they just want to get married and have babies. I think that’s unfair and untrue. Do I want to get married someday? Sure. (Although I have a few thoughts about that as well. But that’s a topic for another day.) But my attraction towards men has very little to do with the fact that I want to get married and have babies. When I meet a new guy I don’t think. “Oh, maybe he’s the one!” It’s more like, “He’s funny and hot and I enjoy hanging out with him.” Do you see the difference?

But as women enter their late twenties and are still single, it’s sometimes assumed that we’re starting to worry about whether or not it will happen for us. Like I’m constantly worrying “Will I ever find the man I’ll spend my life with?” I guess what I’m really trying to say in these posts is that it’ll be totally cool if I DO find that person. I think we’ll have a great time together and make a great team and do some awesome stuff. But I’m going to have a great time doing awesome stuff anyway. So if I don’t ever find someone, I’m not going to die a bitter old maid. How can I? God has been more than gracious enough.

So am I glad I’m single? Not really. I mean, if I had a choice, I guess I’d rather be hanging out with hotness. But am I happy being single? Yes. Absolutely. (I mean, if I was married with kids, you think I could blog as much as I do? It ain’t all bad. :) )

I'm also not sure how I feel about the phrase "God made man and woman to complete each other." I think maybe "complete" is not the right word. Perhaps "complement?" I would hate to imply that women who never get married are not complete and whole people.

And believe me, I know plenty about BIG mistakes. For real. It's conceivable that I might accidentally (haha) date the wrong guy because I like guys in general (hence the need for the Jan's Man Approval Committee.) However, I will NEVER marry the wrong guy just because I want to be married. The thought makes me want to throw up. I literally have nightmares about marrying the wrong guy and I wake up with a sigh of relief and say "Thank you, God! It didn't really happen!"

Thanks for the insight and encouraging me to better understand myself.

Jan

Encouraging...

I'm in a better mood today. I guess it's because I didn't get rained on today. There's just something about the 'drowned rat" look that bothers me.

Anyway, it has been brought to my attention that my previous post might have been "a bit harsh on the males." Perhaps this will make amends...

You might eventually get tired of me quoting or talking about Carolyn McCulley, but she really does have some wonderful things to say. Anyway, her blog entry today talks less of how single women should feel about their own lives as it does about how we, as women, can better help men be men. And indirectly, how we can enable men to treat us the way we want to be treated.

So guys, evaluate the following statement:
"If men had to choose, they would rather choose to feel unloved than disrespected."

What truth is there in this statement? How well do you think women do in general when it comes to respecting men? How well do you think Christian women do? Some may have the attitude that respect has to be earned. Do you agree? What do you feel about the idea that if a woman chooses to respect a man, he will want to be worthy of it? I guess my question has a lot with which should happen first. Should men be respectable and then women will respect them? Or should women respect men and then men will attempt to be more worthy of such respect? Or is it a combination of the two?

Comments are welcome, from both guys and girls. Here's your chance to speak your mind!!!

Complaining...

I don’t complain very often. I mean real complaining. I jokingly complain a lot, but it’s all in jest. But every once in a while, I need to get my real complaining fix.

Just so you know, I’m not obsessed with my singleness. But I have been thinking about it a lot lately because I’ve recently discovered a wonderful author who writes a lot about women and singleness. (This is my shout out to Carolyn McCulley!) She’s helped me understand that it’s okay to want to get married, but it’s also important to remember that if you aren’t happy with your life BEFORE you get married, you aren’t going to be happy with your life AFTER. I’m pleased to say that I am quite content with life before.

But I do have some thoughts about that. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I tend to be a little on the independent side. Almost to a fault. I really like to do things myself, and I don’t really like to get others' opinions before making up my own mind. So here’s the thing. I’ve heard that guys like to feel needed. Like they enjoy having to kill the bug or unscrew the lid that’s on too tight or get something off the top shelf. But these are things I’ve learned to do myself. If there’s a spider, I catch it and take it outside, although it’s true that I might squeal and get the heebie-jeebies. If the lid is on too tight, I beat the crap out of it until it comes off. And I’m tall enough to get just about anything down off the top shelf. I’m even quite capable of rearranging furniture all by my lonesome. (I recently did it, in fact.)

So it’s crossed my mind that I might not make a guy feel very useful. This could be a problem some day. And then tonight happened.

I went to Wal-Mart tonight and parked close to one of the entrances. But at 10, they lock the doors at that entrance so I had to go out the other entrance. But guess what. It was raining. So I just stood there, thinking, “Now this is when having a guy would be helpful.” I’m assuming that if I was married, I would not be at Wal-Mart by myself at 10 at night. (Guys, don’t ever let your wives/girlfriends go to Wal-Mart by themselves that late. Either go with them or insist that they wait until the next day. They might get annoyed – I would – but they will appreciate your concern – I would.) I also assume that he would offer to run to the car, which was at the other end of the parking lot, and drive it up to the door so I wouldn’t have to walk in the rain with all my stuff. I almost think a guy would be proud to do that, likening running in the rain to some sort of badge of honor or something.

So guys, don’t ever feel like you aren’t useful. If nothing else, you’re necessary when it rains. And when something has to be done with the car. My registration has been out since December and it sure would be nice to have someone take care of it for me.

Oh, no!!!

I was late to work today. For two reasons. The first was beyond my control. There was a wreck and we had to detour. But I would have been late anyway. Why? I got distracted while I was getting ready. I normally don’t spend too much time on my hair (no comments, please) but I gave it a little extra attention today. I wasn’t actually DOING my hair, I was just looking at it. What was I looking at? The gray.

I found my first gray hair 3 years ago. Actually, I didn’t find it, my mom did. She was dyeing my hair and she found it. She thought it was funny. She told me, “Well, you ARE Fairy Wear’s granddaughter.” My grandmother went white pretty early. I don’t remember her not having white hair. It seems I’ve inherited her genes. Oy vey.

So for a while, I just ignored the fact that I was getting gray hair. I didn’t inspect my hair on a regular basis looking for the offending strands. But I can’t escape them now. They are right up front and entirely too visible when I part my hair. I don’t really mind them too much. They are more silver than gray, so I think it looks more funky than old. I’ll just keep telling myself that, anyway.

I was thinking of dyeing my hair this fall. Kind of a warm, reddish, fall-esque kind of color. This morning, I made up my mind for sure.

DON'T WORRY

I'm trying to customize my site a little bit and I'm trying to figure out how to make it all work. So if you see some crazy colors in here for a while, don't worry. I'll fix it eventually.

The gift of singleness

For the most part, I’m okay with still being single. I know that sometimes it’s hard for women. We hit 25, 28, 30 and there’s no sign of Prince Charming. But even though I’m coming up on 28, I’m still okay. In fact, I’m having a great time. I’ve made some wonderful friends, I’m serving in the church, my faith is maturing. I’m not unhappy. I’m not discontent. But sometimes these sneaky little thoughts invade my brain. And I start to wonder. Why am I still single? I mean, I’m okay with it, but I still wonder why. Am I too tall? Too obnoxious? Too intimidating? Too immature?

I think a lot of single women wonder these same things. Maybe even single men, although they probably wonder if they are too short rather than too tall. But I’m beginning to think and understand that these questions of inadequacy and our discontentedness with singleness in general are a result of our buying the lie that Satan feeds us.

I went to Borders last night. I shouldn’t go there. That place is evil. But I did. And I bought three books. One of the books is Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye? It’s written by a woman named Carolyn McCulley, who happens to be friends with Joshua Harris who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye. She is a woman in her 40s who is still single and was starting to wonder why. So she began to try to understand what “the gift of singleness” really means.

I didn’t want to buy the book at first. And I certainly didn’t want to tell anyone I bought it. I mean, I don’t want people to think I have a problem with being single. And I DEFINITELY don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. Oy vey. It really irritates me when people feel sorry for me.

Anyway, I’ve only read two chapters so far, but I really like what she has to say. And I thought I’d share of bit of it. I will use direct quotes a lot, so when I do, remember that it’s all from this same book and I’m not plagiarizing.

She starts off with scripture:

There are three things that are too amazing for me,
Four that I do not understand:
The way of an eagle in the sky,
The way of a snake on a rock,
The way of a ship on the high seas,
The way of a man with a maiden.
Proverbs 30:18-19

“Wise men and women remain confounded by the mystery of attraction and romance. We really don’t know why some relationships bud and bloom, and others do not. It takes humility – a sober recognition of our limitations – to be comfortable with that mystery. We don’t know the ways of the heart, but God does. He knows how everything operates, and nothing is a mystery to Him. Even better, He is lovingly involved in His creation. He didn’t just make us all and then stand back to have a good laugh. The whole Bible testifies of God’s faithfulness to us even in the face of our own faithlessness to Him.”

So that’s the gist of chapter 1. But chapter 2 is where it gets good. About the gift of singleness:

“How and when did I get this gift of singleness? I don’t recall putting it on my ‘wish list’ or asking anyone to give it to me. I don’t remember opening it up and saying, ‘Ooohh, thank you! Singleness! How did you know? It’s perfect!’ There are several Greek words that could be translated as ‘gift’ in English.” One “denotes a free gift of grace, used in the New Testament to refer to a spiritual or supernatural gift. This is the word Paul uses in this passage – charisma. As a gift of grace, it stresses the fact that it is a gift of God the Creator freely bestowed upon sinners – His endowment upon believers by the operation of the Holy Spirit in the churches. Theologian Gordon Fee says that Paul’s use of charisma throughout this letter to the Corinthians stresses the root word of ‘grace,’ not the gifting itself. Fee writes:

"'There seems to be no real justification for the translation ‘spiritual gift’ for this word. Rather, they are ‘gracious endowments’, which at times, as in this letter, is seen also as the gracious activity of the Spirit in their midst.'

"It’s not an activity or a role, but a blessing – like the free gift of eternal life (Romans 5:15) that was given to us without any merit of our own.”

Hold it right there. Did you just read that? This “gift” of singleness should be treated as a gracious endowment and can be seen as a gracious activity of the Holy Spirit. It was a gift freely given to me through no merit of my own. What? Do you think of singleness in this way? I sure as heck never did.

Okay, so maybe there is some truth to that. But for what purpose? Why do some people have to wait so long before they get married? If singleness is such a gift, why didn’t God give this so-called gift to all the poor schmoes who are already married? Why me? To answer that, Ms. McCulley goes to 1st Corinthians 12.

"'Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone. To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.'

“Spiritual gifts are given for the common good. The good news here is that the singleness is not about you – either your good qualities or your sinful tendencies. We have to stop here and ask ourselves if being gifted for the benefit of the church is important to us.”

Again I have to stop. I had heard a similar idea before. That we shouldn’t do something ABOUT our singleness, we should do something WITH our singleness. But it still had a self-centered flavor to it. What should I be using my singleness for NOW to serve ME? I never considered that I should be doing something WITH my singleness FOR the body of Christ. You’d think that wouldn’t need to be pointed out, but apparently it does. And I don’t think I’m alone in that. I think we are, by nature, very self-centered.

“But you may be wondering if it’s okay to still want to get married and have children. Yes! Those are also good gifts from God. It’s not wrong to desire marriage or to ask God for it.” However, “good gifts are in danger of becoming idols. ‘The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but that we want it too much.’ When any of us is tempted to think that the power to bless and satisfy resides in something other than God, this is idolatry.

"I like Elisabeth Elliot’s perspective: ‘Singleness is not to be viewed as a problem, nor marriage as a right. What may be your portion tomorrow is not your business today. Today’s business is trust in the living God who precisely measures out, day by day, each one’s portion.’”

Sometimes I have a problem with Elisabeth Elliot. I’ve read some of her books and they are very good. But I just sometimes have a problem with married people trying to encourage singles. And she’s been married three times. (Just so you know, her first two husbands died. One was martyred as he served as a missionary and one died of cancer.) But I do have to acknowledge the truth in what she says. God knows what I want. He will take care of me. He will give me everything I need, a lot of things that I want, and even more things that I didn’t know I wanted but still enjoy thoroughly.

The key to contentment in this time of singleness is understanding that a gracious God bestowed it upon me, through no merit of my own, for use in His kingdom. My singleness is not about me. My singleness is about Christ. Is yours?

Life as a guy

Bet you're wondering why I would know anything about that, huh?

Well, you can learn the same way I did.

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/life-as-guy-p1.php

Student workers

As of last Friday, I still owed UTD a little money, so I went up to the bursar’s office to settle my debt. Incidentally, I also had a few parking tickets. :( Here’s the conversation I had with the student worker.

Student worker: The system is down, so I can't help you.
Jan: Do you know when it will be back up?
Student worker: No. We don't know why it's down, so we don't know when it will be back up.
Jan: Are you thinking this morning, or this afternoon or next Monday...?
Student worker: I have no idea.
Jan: Okay, so do you know where I can pay my parking tickets?
Student worker: Well, you can either pay them here or at the police station.
Jan: I can't pay them here because the system is down.
Student worker: Yeah...
(Jan looks at student worker.)
Student worker: Oh, and another thing. Parking passes will be available on Monday.
Jan: I graduate next Saturday so I don't care.
Student worker: Oh, okay.


After the system came back "up" I went back. I talked to another student worker. She took forever figuring out how much I needed to pay, etc, because I was paying off a short term loan. Afterwards, she gave me my receipt and then went about her work, she filed something, etc. I just stood there and looked at her. I could tell she was getting uncomfortable. Finally she looked up and said, "That's all." I said, "Can I have my driver's license back?"

Not enough sleep...

I'm not Happy, I'm not Sleepy, I'm not Bashful, I'm not Sneezy, I'm not Dopey, I'm not Doc...I'M GRUMPY!

Slinkies

Some people are like slinkies. They're not really good for anything but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Absolute Truth

As you may or may not know, I finish grad school in 6 days. Graduation is in 11 days. That’s just craziness. Anyway, one of the classes I’m taking now is called “Money and Capital Markets.” Yesterday was our last lecture and it was about ethics. I just love it when egomaniac professors talk about ethics. I love it so much that I could only take an hour of it and I left early. Sometimes educated people really bother me. They’re so “enlightened.”

So my prof got a big kick out of asking people how they defined “ethics.” We had everything from moral relativism to “people just are who they are and ethics is a made up concept.” It was all very intriguing.

(Incidentally, if you were interested, Oxford defines ethics as "the science of morals in human conduct." Did that clear things up for you? :) )

As I was sitting there, I realized that one of the reasons that people had such a hard time defining it was because they had no concept of absolute truth. Every definition they came up with could be dissected in such a way that we were left with something that couldn’t be explained. It all seemed to contain circular reasoning. Truth is relative. You can’t ever know anything. Then how do you know truth is relative? Ethics is based on fairness. Is it fair that some people are born healthy or into a family with money while others are not? No. So is it then unethical? Hmm. Ethics is about doing the greatest good for the greatest number of people. That hardly seems fair to the ones getting left out. Ethics is about generally acceptable good behavior. Sounds a lot like democracy. What if 99% of the population thinks that lynching people is acceptable? Does that make it ethical? How do we decide where the line is drawn? What is our standard? How do we instinctively know that some things are good and some things are bad? Why do we know that murder is wrong? Why do we know that stealing is wrong? Or lying? Most societies (if not all, I’m no anthropologist) seem to agree on these things. Why? Where does it come from?

Isn’t it funny that even those who deny God have His precepts written on their hearts? It shouldn’t surprise us. God tells us it is so. “Indeed, when Gentiles, who do not have the law, do by nature things required by the law, they are a law for themselves, even though they do not have the law, since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.”

Even when they deny God, when the deny absolute truth, by their very statements they profess that there is real truth and therefore unwittingly profess that God’s law is the perfect standard for behavior.

The prof broke down every argument for every definition of ethics or fairness or justice into something that no one could explain. How do you know something is bad? Who gets to decide?

As Christians, we get a break. We have an answer. What is the answer? Because God says so. He is absolute truth. How do we know murder is wrong? God said so. Stealing? God said. Lying? God said. Committing adultery? God said.

But is there more to truth and God than just figuring all the “thou shalt nots”? The funny thing about absolute truth is that it sort of doesn’t matter if you believe it or not. That doesn’t make the truth any more or less true. Something either is, or it isn’t. It either happened, or it didn’t. What I love about Christianity is that any argument we have about truth can never be reduced to something that we can’t explain. It’s all reduced to what God has said. Some may think that’s a cop out, but it makes much more logical sense than anything else I heard in class last night. And not only is God truth, He is also faithful because I know that He is true and will always be true.

I don’t mind people asking questions about truth. Paul tells us we should question things to work out our salvation in our own minds. And I like the fact that it’s okay to question things about ‘religion.’ The Bible isn’t afraid of being questioned. What bothers me, though, is when people use their questions as an excuse not to believe. If you have questions, fine. Seek answers. God will reward your search.

Back to the Bible dictionary:
Because God’s word is truth, it is ultimately real and not ephemeral, as opposed to all else, and liberates men. Satan and men lie and enslave. Jesus is Savior because He is Truth incarnate. Now the Holy Spirit indwells believers, guiding them into all truth. Yet people resist the truth. The Bible teaches that believing truth is not a mechanical psychological function but is related to the human will. People choose the lie rather than God’s truth…Jesus is the true way leading to life, and men should not come to Him seeking truth but, because He is the end of the search, the revealed reality of God.

So have your doubts. Ask your questions. But don’t stop there. Look for truth. What you will find, in the end, is Christ.

Directionally challenged

Okay, so I have a problem with directions. I don’t mean directions as in instructions; I mean directions as in which way to go. You see, I have a very minor case of dyslexia. It has never really been a problem for me. In fact, I used to think I was normal, but then I realized that most people know their “left” from their “right.” And I struggle.

But like I said, it’s never been a problem. More of an annoyance than a problem. But also a subject of entertainment (frustration?) for those who know me.

I’m not stupid. I act like it sometimes, but that’s because it’s fun. It’s fun to say outlandish things and see people’s reactions. Well, usually.

Anyway, some people in my life have gotten irritated by my apparent lack of directional abilities. I dated a guy once who would get frustrated with me when I tried to give him directions. He would say, “Jan, practice!” Yeah, that didn’t help. I mean, did he really think it would? I was in my twenties for crying out loud. If I hadn’t learned it yet, him telling me to practice wouldn’t exactly do the trick.

People try to be helpful. They say things like, “Well, which hand do you write with?” You’d think that would work for me, but it really doesn’t. I still have to think about it. I mean, I don’t have to think about which hand I write with, but that doesn’t help me when I’m in the moment, trying to decide which way to go. I still have to think, “Okay, so I’m right-handed…and I write with this hand…so this way is right.”

Other people say things like, “Your left hand is the one that makes the L.” Hello, people! I’m dyslexic! When you’re dyslexic, they both look like Ls!

Luckily I have found people that are accepting of my apparent handicap. So now whenever I’m driving and someone else is giving me directions, we have code words for “left” and “right.”

We tried a few methods before we found one that worked. One friend suggested we use “passenger” for “right” and “driver” for “left.” I sort of thought that would work. Then we tried it. Yeah, it didn’t work for me. It was just putting different labels on the same thing. Left and right. Passenger and driver. Apples and oranges. It’s all the same. I still have to think about it to figure it out.

So we finally settled on “towards you” and “towards me.” This works pretty well. I know where I am. I know where the person sitting next to me is. I don’t have to think about what “towards you” means. But this method isn’t without its drawbacks. For instance, one friend got really used to the fact that when she said, “Turn towards me,” that meant turn right. So one day I was talking to her on the phone and she was giving me directions to her new apartment. She said, “After you enter the complex, turn towards me.” I was like “Hello! I don’t know where you are! I’m trying to find you!”

(I think she might be getting tired of me but she’s afraid to tell me because I might write something bad about her in my blog. It’s amazing the control you have over people when you have dirt on them. :) )

Okay, so what’s the point in this? The point is that in life, we often don’t know which way to go. Should I go to this school or that school? Or no school? Should I take this job or that job? (Or no job?) Should I go to this church or that church? Should I date this guy or that guy? (Which one is asking? Oh, neither is asking? Then neither. Find a real man who will actually ask…) Should I say something or should I keep my mouth shut? Should I watch Fear Factor on TV or should I do homework? Should I buy that cute skirt I saw at Casual Corner Outlet or should I save my money? (sigh) Decisions, decisions.

It usually isn’t too difficult to find someone willing to let you know what they think you should do. And sometimes you don’t even have to ask. They just tell you. It’s important to have people in life from whom you can seek wise counsel. Just remember that no one’s opinion is as authoritative as God’s word. No one’s advice is more sound. No one’s intentions are more sincere. No one’s motives are less selfish.

God really does have your best interests at heart. That’s pretty encouraging. I mean, think about it. He knows everything. He can do anything. And He loves me. And I mean “love” the verb, not just “love” the feeling. He actively loves me. And He wants to tell me which way is best. Sometimes He just wants me to ask. He wants this for two reasons: 1) He wants me to admit that I need help, and 2) He wants me to acknowledge that I can get no better help than from Him.

So I hope to always make God the navigator of my life. When I don’t know which way to go, I want to remember that I can, and should, ask Him. Even when I think I know, I should probably still ask because I’m wrong a lot.

But here’s the thing. God doesn’t always speak audibly, where I can hear Him. I’ve talked to people that said they actually heard a voice that they believe was God. I have no doubt that God can speak that way, and I assume He does sometimes, but I don’t think He’s ever done that with me.

So I have to be really in touch with the Spirit of God when I want to hear from Him. I assume that the connection from me to God is always pretty clear, but the connection from God to me is sometimes a little fuzzy. It’s not His fault. I’m the one that lets all the “noise” distract me. And sometimes I think I want God to just send me an e-mail with what I should do. That way, I can read it at my own convenience and I don’t actually have to spend a lot of time just TALKING to Him.

When I spend time reading things He has written to me, opening my heart to the truth the Holy Spirit reveals to me about what I read, talking to Him, etc, it really clears up the connection that gets so muddied up with the things of this world. So it’s not enough just to ask, I also have to position myself so that I can hear His answer.

When I have major decisions to make in my life, rather than relying on my own abilities to discern the best course of action, I need to remember to ask the perfect navigator which direction is best. And the funny thing is, no matter which way He tells me to go, I have a feeling His answer will always be the same: “Turn towards Me.”

Word Study - Part II

We continue our word study today with another concept that we all think we understand, but we really don’t. That’s sort of vague, I know, and I’m no proponent of “vagueness” so let’s cut to the chase. What word am I talking about? What word would follow so easily in the footsteps of love? Hope.

What does hope mean to you? For a long time, to me hope meant having the feeling that someday I would get what I wanted. If I was just patient enough, if I was just a martyr long enough, eventually God would reward me. And then I got disillusioned. I still had the same concept of hope, I just felt like hope didn’t materialize into the desired whatever often enough to warrant being a valid or worthwhile feeling. To me, hope kept you from moving on with your life. It kept you from getting over it. Hope was like this mire of quicksand and I was helplessly stuck in the middle. Can’t go forward. No way to go back. What to do, what to do? (Other than wallow is self-pity, of course.)

The answer surprised me. I wasn’t supposed to exert my control over people, things and situations. I wasn’t supposed to give God an ultimatum. (I think God laughs at people that give Him ultimatums and I don’t like getting laughed at.) I didn’t need to remind God of what a great person I am, just in case it slipped His mind.

I needed to redefine hope.

Actually, redefine isn’t the right word. Rediscover. Yeah, that’s better. I needed to rediscover hope.

So what is hope? Lucky for you, I have my handy dandy Bible dictionary sitting next to me right now. (Yes, a Bible dictionary. I need a biblical definition of hope, so bear with me.)

Hope is defined as trustful expectation, particularly with reference to the fulfillment of God’s promises. Biblical hope is the anticipation of a favorable outcome under God’s guidance. More specifically, hope is the confidence that what God has done for us in the past guarantees our participation in what God will do in the future. This contrasts to the world’s definition of hope as “a feeling that what is wanted will happen.” (Does that sound familiar? Hmmmm.)

Given the assurance of hope, Christians live in the present with confidence and face the future with courage.

Romans 5:3-5
And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Dude! Do those words give you hope? They do me. For real.

And then you take that and combine it with other Christian principles, like faith and patience.

James 1:2-4
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of our faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

And since I think you can never use the word “tribulation” too many times in one day, let’s head back over to Romans for a bit.

Romans 12:10-12
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor; not lagging behind in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; rejoicing in hope, persevering in tribulation, devoted to prayer.

So does that mean we are called to rejoice FOR tribulation? No, we are called to rejoice IN tribulation. Why? Because when tribulation runs its course (assuming we continue to live under God’s guidance) we are left with hope. What sort of hope? The world’s hope? No. With the hope that does not disappoint. Get it? God’s hope does not disappoint.

We poison our own hearts when we put qualifications on what we want God to do for us. We have to remember what God has promised us in this life and what He hasn’t. Did He promise you that you would find someone to spend your life with? That you would be successful in your career? That you would live happy and healthy? If you said “yes,” you might want to have a little visit with a thing called reality.

Does that mean He won’t give us those things and we should, therefore, go out and find them on our own? No. (I like asking questions that are answered “No.” It’s fun.) God loves us. And we learned last time that love is very rarely about how you feel. It’s about how you make your loved one feel. How do I know God loves me? He shows me. He works things out in my behalf. He blesses me in incredible ways, most of which I’m not grateful enough for or a good steward of. And sometimes He loves me by not giving me what I want. To be mean? Because He gets a kick out of my misery? No and no. Because He wants better for me.

But I digress.

So what’s the point in all this, anyway? When I go through things in life that I think suck, I have to keep this in mind: that through this insignificant crisis in my life, God is making me perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

I will continue to have hope. Not so much in this world, which is destined to disappoint, but in the next. Here’s another word for you: heaven. “The word ‘heaven’ occurs more frequently in Revelation that in any other New Testament book. The Revelation addresses heaven from the standpoints of struggle between good and evil and God’s rule from heaven. The most popular passage dealing with heaven is Rev. 21:1-22:5. In this passage, heaven is portrayed in three different images: the tabernacle, the city, and the garden. The image of the tabernacle portrays heavenly life as perfect fellowship with God. The symbolism of the city portrays heavenly life as perfect protection. The image of the garden shows heavenly life as perfect provision.”

What better place to put your hope?

Funny website

Okay, so I found this website and I just have to share. Check out the links for older drawings at the bottom. Too funny!

http://www.toothpastefordinner.com/index.php

Word Study - Part I

So what will be the topic of today’s blog? I thought about it for a while. Should I keep talking about Ghana? Should I talk about myself? (That could take days…) Should I talk about some of the things that God is teaching me? Where to begin on that? So then I started thinking, “What do people want to hear about?”

And what did I settle on? Love.

Ah, yes. The subject that is near and dear to every single’s heart.

Love’s a funny thing. We spend so much time thinking about it and wanting it and sometimes even pursuing it and yet it’s so elusive. And when the opportunity to love presents itself, so often we can’t love right, so it ends up being SO not what we expected.

So does that mean we should just give up? Because, for real, something’s got to change. But what?

I’ll tell you exactly what: you. Or, if you’d like, me. How ‘bout both? Yeah, that works for me. Both. Us. All of us. At least most of us.

Love shouldn’t be complicated. It shouldn’t be hard. It shouldn’t be awkward. Should it be work? Sure, sometimes. But easy work. Fun work. “Worth it” work. It should be honest. And bold. And scary.

Wait a minute. You think I’m talking about romantic love, don’t you? HA! Tricked you!

Yes, as singles, we like talking about romantic love. But hear this: if you can’t “brotherly love” correctly, there’s no way you’ll ever succeed at “romantic love.”

So, what is love? Try this on for size: unselfish, loyal, and benevolent intention and commitment toward another. Did I get your attention? I already told you it was supposed to be work. Just remember that it’s “worth it” work.

You’ve heard of “agape” love, right? Agape was a word used by believers in the New Testament to denote the special unconditional love of God and is used interchangeably with “phileo” to designate God the Father’s love for Jesus, God the Father’s love for an individual believer and Christ’s love for a disciple. Biblical love has God as its object, true motivator, and source.

You sure you want love? Sounds great to be loved, but to love others? Like that? Hmmm.

What else does the Bible say about love? Paul says that rhetorical ability, preaching, knowledge, mountain-moving faith, charity towards the poor, and even martyrdom are nothing without agape. Nothing. Nada.

He continues: love is patient, kind, not jealous, not arrogant, not easily provoked, etc, etc. Are you up for that? Because I’m not sure if I am. I don’t even know what that looks like. I don’t know if I can do it. Me, be patient? And not arrogant?

Okay, I take it back. Love is hard. Real hard. And I’m a quitter. Is this worth it? Do I have to?

Love is called the bond of maturity. Great. So if I don’t love, I’m not mature? Love is also the test of true discipleship. Oh, so now I’m not a true disciple. Insulting me isn’t going to convince me.

“Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.”
“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”

Okay, so from anyone else, this would sound like a guilt trip. And guilt trips don’t normally work on me. But this? I can’t argue with truth.

Did you read my blog about mercy?

James 2:13
For judgment will be merciless to the one who has shown no mercy.

The same goes with love.

1 John 3:14-18
We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love abides in death. Everyone who hates his brother is a murderer; and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him. We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren. But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.

So is love a feeling? Or an action? Yes. It’s both. But without the action, the feeling is nothing. Is it enough for a person to know they are loved? Should they ever want to feel loved? People today think that love is about how they feel. But it’s more about how they make other people feel. And that takes action.

So do I have what it takes? No. No way. Not even close. But I have the love of God in me. He is the object, true motivator and source of my love.

So I have been commanded, motivated, and enabled. It all comes from God. Just like my love.

Stories from Ghana

When I talk to people for the first time after coming home from Ghana, they always ask how my trip was and I’ve had some difficulty figuring out how to answer that question. I mean, do they really want to know? Or is this one of those pleasantries like “How are you? Oh, I’m fine” types of questions? My typical response so far has been “It was hot and it was nothing like I expected.” People tend to be fairly content with this answer, which confuses me, because I really told them nothing. So for those of you who really want to know, here’s what I have:

First of all, the people of Ghana are INCREDIBLY hospitable. Any time we walked up to someone’s home, they would hurry inside and come back out with benches or couches or whatever else they had to sit on so they could offer us a place to sit. Then we would all sit down and they would just look at us expectantly, waiting for us to bestow some great wisdom on them that we had brought from America. Lucky for them (and us, I suppose,) we really did have important things to discuss with them. But they didn’t know that when we walked up. They were just happy we were there. They would shake hands with all of us using the unique Ghana handshake (I felt really cool when I finally figured out how to do it!) and they would usually greet us in English.

Many of the people there knew English. The schools are in English, so the more educated ones were more fluent with it, but most understood it. One of my team members, Robert, knew the local language [the language in Dzodze (Jo-Je) is Ewe (eh-weh)] so if they were more comfortable speaking in their native tongue, they could. On some teams, whenever the people didn’t know English, the American would talk and the Ghanaian would translate, but Robert was such a good evangelist that when all they knew was Ewe, he would just take it and run with it.

Using the restroom in town was an ordeal. At our hotel, we had actual bathrooms with toilets, but toilets were few and far between in town. A “bathroom” usually consisted of a walled off area of the back yard that had a concrete floor and no door. It must have been so much easier for the guys. When you are a guy, the world is your urinal. It’s slightly more complicated when you’re a girl. But I brought my toilet paper and disinfecting wipes with me, so I managed. At one house, I asked to use the restroom and when I came back, my American team member said they kept looking over at the “restroom” like “What’s taking her so long?” She just smiled and told them it was my first time.

I didn’t see any wild animals while I was in Ghana. Mostly I saw a lot of goats. I would see an animal out of the corner of my eye and think “Oh, it’s a dog!” But then I would turn to look and it would be another goat. Supposedly, even though the goats are just roaming around town, it’s fairly easy for the Ghanaians to tell which goats belong to who. They all just looked like goats to me. All the same. But I guess I’d be able to tell which dog was mine out of a group of dogs, so I guess it’s not much different with goats.

It’s hard to come back to the US. I know that this is the land of the free and the home of the brave, but sometimes it feels like the land of the complainers and the home of the spoiled. The day after I got home, I went to Wendy’s in search of healthy American food (haha,) and I was shocked to find myself getting irritated by how long it took them to bring me my food. And I started to wonder why I felt that way. I was used to the mindset of “There are 50 places within a quarter of a mile that would love to take my money. If any restaurant wants my business, I want what I ordered as quickly as possible, with the friendliest service, and in the cleanest environment.” (Can you guess why I seldom go to Dairy Queen?) It just surprises me how we all have SO MUCH and yet we’re never satisfied with what we have. The Ghanaians are so much friendlier to foreigners and each other than we are and they have so much less than we do. I guess they are blessed in that they know that the source of happiness in their lives won’t be material possessions. If only we were so fortunate.

Okay, so if I were just reading this thing, my ADD would start kicking in about now and I’d be wondering when this entry was going to end, so I guess I’ll stop now. But this won’t be the end of the Ghana stories. Trust me, there’s plenty more. In fact, here’s a preview:

How many cold showers did Jan take in Africa?
Interesting Names
The Noble Evangelist
Our Bodyguard
Paulina - “Thanks God!”

Pictures from Ghana

Just wanted to create a quick entry with some of my pics from Ghana... These are only 3 of the 100+ pictures I took while I was there. Let me know if you want to see more!

These boys go to the Catholic school in town. They were just too cute all dressed the same, walking down the road with their arms around each other!









The funniest thing I saw all week! It says "I am drinking but I have a brain."











What a little cutie!