I didn't forget

Let’s answer the question:  how important are compatible interests between two people?

In some cases, complementary personalities are more important than compatible interests.  For example, I dated one guy who loved cars.  He had this one car that he was working on and wanted to use for drag racing.  Me?  Not really all that into cars.  (Actually, I’m not at all into cars.  I don’t even like getting the oil changed.)  But I’d go to his house and sit out in the garage with him reading a book or listening to the radio while he worked on his car.  It didn’t matter that I couldn’t possibly care LESS about cars.  But we could spend time together, talking, whatever, and he was doing his thing and I was doing mine.  

I also think it’s good for people to have some interests that are dissimilar, for two reasons.  One, I think a natural, healthy result would be that being exposed to new things would expand their horizons as they explore new ideas.  And I think that when something is important to someone you care about, it becomes important to you.

My brother never cared about NASCAR.  I don’t know that I ever heard him mention it really at all.  At least not until a few months ago.  Then his father-in-law started working for NASCAR.  He learned more about it, the rules, the people, the drama, etc, and suddenly he became hooked.  Now, almost every time I talk to him, he tells me about how his favorite driver did in the last race.  When I was in Philly visiting him and my sis-in-law a few weeks ago, he kept having to check the status of that day’s race.  His interests were expanded because something was important to someone that he cared about.  And the more he learned about it, the more he appreciated it.

The second reason that dissimilar interests can be beneficial is that it gives people “alone time.” I don’t think it’s healthy for two people in a relationship to spend all of their free time together, at least not for me.  I think I would enjoy having an activity that was just mine, where I could be alone and not talk and just think.  

So I guess that I basically think that compatible interests are a bonus, but not a necessity, at least in the beginning.  As time goes by, interests change.  What used to be a shared interest may no longer be and vice versa.  How people choose to deal with those changes and with life that happens along the way is a much more significant indicator of success than whether or not two people like to go jogging together.  For me?  As long as I get a fairly regular dose of intelligent conversation, I’m good.  Oh, and compatible senses of humor are also very helpful.  Having similar outlooks on life, similar goals, and a mutual understanding of family, religion and money are key, as are respect, responsibility and communication.  

As long as two people understand that you can’t be very good at anything that you don’t spend time and effort on, having varied interests can very well be the spice of life.