Recently, I overheard Jeff and a mutual friend talking about the kind of work they do. They are each in non-traditional fields (8-5 work hours are the exception rather than the rule) and they were discussing the dream job versus the backup plan. Jeff said that he had recently heard, "If you want to make it in comic books, don't have a backup plan. If you have a backup plan, you'll do the backup plan. If you don't have one, if you have no choice but to make comics work out for you, that's the only way you'll ever succeed, because making it in comics is hard."
I think being a CFO is my backup plan.
Not that I want to succeed in the comics field, mind you. But this isn't what I want to do with my life.
But I am afraid.
I am afraid that even if I don't have a backup plan, I won't work very hard at the dream. And I'm afraid I don't really know what the dream is. In fact, I actually said once that my goal was to be a CFO. Now here I am, and I don't like it. What if it's like that with the next dream? What if I burn the bridges to my backup plan, work really really hard at what I think is the dream, and then I don't like the dream? That'd be bad. And what if I can't even decide what today's dream even is?
But then I think about the 40-year-old me and I am terrified of what she will say about what I did with my life. I'm afraid she'll say, "Why didn't you just DO something?"
Which thing am I afraid of more?
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1 comment:
I get this post.
I have no backup plan. I'm an artist and I'm supposed to do my art with a camera. And that's pretty much it.
I'm so addled with ADD that it's almost impossible for me to hold down a regular job. My attempts at a Plan B failed over and over again to the point that they looked like my attempts at Plan A.
I try not to think about it because I get depressed. I just try not to think too hard about my Plan A and I keep at it.
I try not to think about being 40 and a Plan A that hasn't come to full fruition because it makes me want to weep in defeat.
But I have this Maddening Mindlessness/Deep Faith that I'm doing what God wants me to do and I'm right where God wants me to be (and I think and hope I hear his encouragement) and it keeps the sadness of defeat away.
And then I get in the position of doing what I'm supposed to be doing and the joy is endless and it lights up the room, fills in all the corners and terrifies those around me who compromised.
And I remember why I do what I do and I feel better.
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