Crystal Ball

Tonight, I'm afraid I was thinking. (A dangerous pastime. I know.)

I was thinking of a future me. The Meredith 10 years from now. The 40-year-old me. And here's what I thought:

She and the future Jeff have taken that trip to Italy.
She has gone back to school for another degree.
She and the future Jeff have gotten the honeymoon paid off. And her car. And her student loan.
Her home is comfortable and a refuge from the world. She finally made that pot rack she wanted. And she finally printed some wedding pictures and put them in frames and even hung them on the wall.
She and Jeff have had a baby, and have maybe even decided where to raise that child and where he/she will go to school.

She knows what is my future. She knows how all these things work out. More specifically, how all this stuff will get paid for. And she didn't have to divine it far in advance, when she couldn't possibly have had enough information. She knows it all because she lived it. And when she needed to know, God made sure she knew.

And do you know what she would say to me? She'd say, "Honey, why did you worry so much? Why did you stress out? Why did you grind your teeth in your sleep from anxiety? It didn't help. All those things would have come to pass anyway."

It was a really interesting experience. I was moved to pity for myself. Not in the usual, "Oh, feel sorry for me because my life is so hard." No, it was more like, "Hey, you got it pretty good. And things will work out. So relax."

I will try. Even if it takes me the next ten years.