I think I'm figuring out why it has been so hard for me to post more regularly here on this blog. I used to love it so much, and something has to be wrong for it to seem so much like a chore for me. But I think I connected some dots tonight.
Life in Philly has been hard. I've said that before. But I've been a little embarrassed to share any more than that, other than "life is hard."
There are so many great things going on for me, and I feel like you'll think I'm being melodramatic or ungrateful. And maybe I am.
But the truth is, this sucks. There are times when I don't think I am a good wife, or a good employee, or a good daughter or a good sister, or a good friend. And so why do I deserve your sympathy?
If I have a good marriage with a man that I love, who is so right for me in so many ways, why do I ever sit on the floor of my closet and cry, unable to think of a single friend I can call who can really meet me where I am and not misunderstand me, or think I'm weak or dramatic or ungrateful?
I'm tired. I'm imperfect. I don't think you think that good enough is good enough. That I am good enough. And I'm not. But that's just gonna have to be good enough.
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3 comments:
It IS good enough!
Helen
I wish you would talk to me when you feel like that. You don't know how often I have felt like that myself. I'm not nearly as smart or wise as I once thought I was. And you know I'm not. But if I could share my realization of my ignorance and my lack of wisdom with someone who knows me as well as you, and if you would share with me, maybe we could help each other. Mom
I want to respond to this, but I am just not sure how to! It is still weird to me to meet someone's vulnerability through a computer. You are brave and honest. I love that about you.
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